The Memories You Left.

I just watched Glee, episode 21.

This is the only episode that left a very deep impression on me because I can relate to it.

It reminded me of someone, someone close.

In this episode, Sue lost her sister Jean who is a Down syndrome patient.
Sue lost her tough side and all her emotions were revealed which made me cry even more.

There's something she said which struck me, it goes;
"When you love someone like I loved her, they are a part of you.
It's like you're attached by this invisible tether.
No matter how far away you are, you can only always feel them.
And now, every time I reach for that tether, I know there's no one on the other end,
And I feel like I'm falling into nothingness."

That tether is none other than her, my grandma, my guardian angel.

I know there's nothing now I can do but regret and grieve every time I think of you.
For everything I did to you in the past that was wrong. These are the biggest regrets of my life.
For all the time in the world I could spend them with you, but no I waste my time on something else. This is the biggest regret of my life.

For when there's no one so close I could talk and share all my problems to, and you were the only one there for me, but I did not share all I had to offer with you. This is one of the biggest regret in my life
For everything you tried to start a little talk with me, I ignore you and think you're just being naggy. This is the biggest regret of my life.

And now, I don't get to hear you speak anymore, I don't get to see you anymore, I don't get to feel you anymore, I don't get to talk to you anymore.

No matter how much "sorrys" I wanna say to you, no matter how many regrets I have that I wanna make them better, there's nothing I can do to turn things round.

I remember your last message to all of us.
I remember how lonely it was, when no one was there to watch you leave.
I remember how I was the last to receive news of your passing.

I remember how the other day when you left, my heart was unusually heavy.
I remember how I went home the other day after school and I wanted to eat something prepared by you, no one was home.
I remember seeing Grandpa cried for the first time. My heart broke into a million pieces.

You said; "Please don't cry. I don't want to see you cry. I want you to be strong."
That was the last message you had for us.

But I failed you even for the last time. I just couldn't hold my tears.

5 years have gone by, you never left my mind at all.

None of the memories I have of you escaped from me.

Every night before I sleep, I think of you, sharing my day with you as if you're right next to me.
Sometimes when I get so tired and fell asleep without reminding myself of you, I am sorry.

When Grandpa falls ill, I get so upset and worried.

There's nothing I could do but just turn to you, and pray for your guidance.
I know you're there, for us. Watching over all of us, making sure we're safe in your presence.

You have proven that for me every time I turned to you.

Times when the world is against me.
Times when I feel as though I am standing alone with no one, not even Mom and Dad.

Times when I need a shoulder to cry on.

Times when I need a ear to listen to my rants.

You were always there.

Grandma, I can't promise you that I will lead my life normally, even after your absence for 5 years.

Things won't change and they can never change.
No one can ever replace how much you mean to me.
No one can ever experience the tether we have between us even though you're not at the other end.

No one can ever do the things you did for me.

No one can ever love me as much as you did.

But I will keep trying.

I miss you<3